Week 13 – I want to scream!

Week 13 – I want to scream!

I don’t know what it is.. I could hope that it was to get all the concrete of all at once.. but it’s not that easy.

I have written before that it seems like everything is out to get me, that there all the time keeps coming obstacles.. or a ton of new picadors running my way.

Sometimes when I read other blogs it’s like they struggle inside, where I feel everything around me is out to get me down.. and I know it then has to do with how I react to these situations. I heard about these crabs that you can’t catch, only if you get 2 or more at the time, because then they will stop each other in getting back out, and if one crab continues to try they cut of his legs so he can’t run. That is how I feel.

At the same time it’s like I REALLY want to scream, I really want to hump up and down and be REALLY ANGRY.. I’m really tired of being the one looking at all things the nice way, the good way, see the good in everything.. not because I don’t believe it, and do see it, but it’s just like nothing is getting back from this. Only more hard work, more explaining ‘why do you do this?’ ‘why have you put up these shape?’ ‘What good do you think will come out of that?’ I know that they are coming out of fear, but I really tired of ignorant people, I need new friends and family.. LOL

At the same time as feeling that I have changed or the world around me is different, either way.. yeah I also feel that nothing has happened, and I’m afraid because we are already half way, so I feel that I should have done better, there should have come just some results by now.. there somehow should have shown me some kind of a way or a light to follow.. but I feel like I’m stuck and at the same time falling. Falling back into the black hole, where normal is! Suddenly I feel my demands and dreams are too high, and that all the doubt comes with his ugly face..

The small glimzzzz of seeing a progress and loving this, somehow was taken from me again.. I’m fighting back, but GD it is hard to keep doing that..

And now I also need to be more grateful. I know I need to and that it is good to be because that is really not something we in Scandinavia is use to, not for real. But when you most of all just want to kick and scream it can be difficult. Oh I could be grateful that there is no one to kick or scream at at them moment 🙂 LOL

The hardest part is that it is all my own fault! I keep bringing these picadors into my life.. I attract all the challenges.. how hard is that to put on my shoulders on top of it all.. GREAT!!! I know it.. but at the same time I have no idea what it is that I’m telling the universe.. so I really have to listen even closer to my thoughts every second, because this has to STOP NOW!!!

So rephrasing and rethinking everything.. how can I put this, so that I’m very precise on what I want..??? hmmm… this is not only about the big stuff, but all the little things too.. (HURRRAAAAA more ‘work’)

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dannycl

Charlotte, great blog! It seems as if we have days of treading water while anticipating the tides willingness to place us closer to shore, yet takes us farther out to sea. Persistence, faith and love, the truth will set us free.

    Charlottes Masterkey

    Thanks.. and yes we were not promised that this should be easy..
    If it would have been everyone would do it..

Jan Russ

Could you take these thoughts and feelings into a sit and relax?

masterkeysaras

I feel you. I know there are many of us that are now being externally challenged. I was so internally challenged in the beginning and now it is projected to my outer word. I am only going to guess that since we are not the only ones this is all part of the process and we are still infants. I too have day where my old subby is kicking and screaming where is the payoff??!! But I am also going to guess that is why the course is as long as it is. Trust the process. Trust that you are moving forward and growing. Don’t stop trying!! From a bird of a father-I believe in you!

Charlottes Masterkey

yes that is true..
There is a reason that this course is 6 month and not only 2 or 3, because then the results wouldn’t be the same..
Yes I’m fighting back, there is no way that the old subby is going to win..
Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone and that the process is important..
Happy Holidays

saskia

Would it be ok if I suggest what helps me, so it might help to remember you as well? The sit, whatever you do or do not in the state of mind you find yourself in, the sit always provides room for different, small or big. From these little ‘differences’ you can name and flash your gratitude little moments, Law of Substitution, Law of Growth… and start seeing from a different angle again. WOWWW….. it’s fun!! Could you allow yourself to just receive. I believe in you! You are loved!

    Charlottes Masterkey

    Thank you Saskia.. I will try that..
    Today everything looks differently, but my mother in-law is coming for Christmas so I know the old blueprint will speak..
    Merry Christmas to you sweetheart <3

CaroleMasterkey

I feel everything you are saying. It does feel the challenges are coming faster and harder, or is it that we are now aware? Since you are working on change and reacting differently we all are noticing more and that old blueprint wants to react the way it always has. I too am struggling with the focusing. We need to have faith as Mark tells us. You are strong and all of are in it together. Have a wonderful Christmas!!!!!

Charlottes Masterkey

So true.. and yes having full faith in the process that is not the problem I have had that from the beginning..
Even though it isn’t good for you that you are struggling too.. but nice to know that it might just be a part of the process..
Have an amazing holiday.
Merry Christmas

searl1974

You are overcoming a lot and I’m sure you can do it!

Charlottes Masterkey

Thanks.. and yes no way the old blue print is going to win this battle
Merry Christmas

masterkeyday

Stay with it, Charlotte. Yes, we all face the battle. You are stong and powerful. You persist – you win. And in truth, one step at a time is not too difficult. One strategy I used was to spend one full day overdoing — made sure I focused solely on ALL the tools, read Emerson, Fox, all readings out loud, with enthusiasm, in the mirror, music with DMP 3 x with reads, watch my thoughts and keep them ALL positive, double sits, etc., etc. By the end of that day, I was exhausted mentally, but felt like I was back in touch with my own truth, with MY life, with my dreams. Wishing you all the best in reconnecting with yours!

Charlottes Masterkey

Thank you so much..
I would love to do that.. but I looking for the part with the more time to kick in 🙂
But I’m back and all of it helps.. and loved the part where Mark tells one of us at the masterminding that look at it like how would the student act now.. and yes everything we read is so spot on..
Thanks again and happy holidays

Claes Wallenberg (@MKMMAClaes)

“….recognize the fact that you are a part of the whole, and that a part
must be the same in kind and quality as the whole; the only difference there can
possibly by, is in degree.” 13:26

Why are You accepting the outside inputs? You´re doing the work, You´re doing great and that´s threatening to people who feel they should do it too but don´t…
Be proud of Yourself, You´re shining and scaring the darkness with Your light!

Mahalo, I appreciate You!

    Charlottes Masterkey

    Thank you Claes.. Yeah why do I? Old habit – old blue print..!
    So thank you so much for reminding me not to.. 🙂

Bruce Spencer

You may be lucky. What I read was your Blueprint hanging on for dear life. You don’t have to search for it, it was cleary revealed. Now all you have to do is send it to the recesses of your subby until it is forgotten and (Law of Growth) atrophies.
Thanks for sharing.

Charlottes Masterkey

Yes if it only were that easy 🙂

lorencrazycraigtaylo

Where did I hear “we would rather master disappointment than seek fulfillment?” As I said in reply to your previous post, Charlotte, “you’ve got this!”

Trish Abeloff

Many years ago, as i started on this amazing journey… someone told me that if i were to change all at once, it would be WAY too much. I was impatient and thought i was ready, but honestly, in hindsight… i wasn’t. We need to walk/run/fly one bit at a time… You’re forming a new you. Keep Building yourself. Making yourself. One experience and decision at a time.
I hope you can see your progress. It’s as plain as day to me!
LOVE! Keep going. What a gift you have…

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