Week 8 – Progress
This week is the hardest of them all, not because of the tasks that are given, but now I think it shows if you really are going all in, or if it only would be nice to have all of your heart’s desire.
Yes it would be nice if it would have been easy, but then the world would look different. And at the same time, your heart might desire something else and more challenging.
I have found myself this week being jealous of the other members.. I have tried to remove my jealousy, but this week it jumped back with my old blueprint. But the reason was, and my thoughts were being jealous because a lot of them started to notice changes, and progress, and I felt that I was stuck, and actually today I have felt like I started all over.
Yesterday when the jealousy showed her ugly face, I reminded myself of that I didn’t know where these members had started their journey, maybe they did this course before, maybe they just had other head starts.. and what does it even matter. I should just be happy that they are doing well, and actually I am. It also got me thinking back and until today, so I forget today right now. Yesterday looking back on my journey, I remember when I started this journey and we were told that we could change any negative thought to a positive one, and we could decide what feelings to attatche to it.. I was just.. yeah right.. you are not in my shoes, that will never be possible to do in my situation. But I found out (yesterday) that actually a lot has changed, I do change my negative thinking, and the feelings following these thoughts, I don’t stay in that mood for a very long time, I just snap out of it and move on. I still have these moments, but I think that is okay and a part of life, but just knowing that I can snap out of it easily that is nice to know. And I guess that when I get better at it I will maybe even snap out of it before the thoughts are completed. Yeah I know that the assignment is to have no negative thoughts for 7 days, and if you can go 7 days without a single negative thought you can also go 7 years. But I have also heard that no-one have completed this task ever. But that doesn’t mean that we should stop trying, because it still changes our mindset and the happiness within and around us.
Then today.. I’m not sure that I want to bring it up. But here goes! My old blueprint really grabbed hole of me.. and really kept me down, the entire day. Normally as I just wrote I can find my way out of the darkness, but today I really had to put up the fight. And the funny part is, that this (writing) actually was the thing that started to getting some light shining back in. Normally it helps when I read my DMP, or the book or some of all the stuff we read, but not today. But now writing that I have been able to crack the code, I have been able to replace a negative thought with a positive one etc. this gave me hope.
I CAN DO IT AGAIN! and again and again. So there is nothing wrong with me, and I will get a great result out of this struggle and this journey, it might just be more ups and downs.
So progress.. yes.. welcome.. It might not be huge, but I’m doing it.. I’m changing my life, my attitude and it might be hard, but then it is so much worth when I can say ‘ did it’. This is my life and I deserve it!
The one I got now is of course what I get from my old actions and thoughts, and it will take time to turn this huge ship around, but that also means that when I have set the right course, it just doesn’t turn around the next moment.